The coffee chain up for sale for £500m
Ikea, tulips and fast-food in this week's Stuff.
Hello,
I spent a good chunk of my Saturday wrestling with Ikea furniture and it left me reflecting on my own internal monologue throughout the process and the company that churns out €45 billion-worth of this stuff a year.
You obviously start out thinking: “well this must be doable, how hard can it be?” I found there’s then a period during the early stages where you have a false sense of security. You’re screwing some things in, slotting some bits together. All seems to be going well, it’s just a case of following the instructions, maybe you should have become a furniture assembler. You’re humming along to the radio.
And then disaster strikes. A hole isn’t where it’s meant to be. Something doesn’t fit. You frantically go back to the instructions, looking for evidence that you’ve done it the right way, certain there is no alternative reality where you’ve done it wrong. They’ve drilled the holes wrong, the instructions are wrong. Why didn’t you just pay them to do it / go to a proper furniture shop?
Slowly you come to accept the fact that you’ve used the wrong piece or it’s upside down. You’ve gotten a bit hot so you take your jumper off and attempt to undo your work without cracking the fibreboard or swearing at your loved ones.
Ultimately the consultant in me is impressed by Ikea. It’s a great business model. From not having any words in the instructions so they don’t have to print in different languages, to only painting one side of a small piece of wood, that’s a business that has focussed hard on optimisation and I’m all for it. Nonetheless, real wood and stuff that lasts is the way to go.
All the BESTÅ,
Hugo
Chief constructor and swearer
The Business of Stuff
The Stuff
The field of tulips in Munchkinland were real 🌷 - I’m not all too familiar with Wicked apart from occasionally being graced with a Popular karaoke rendition but the scene with all the tulips was filmed near Norfolk at Belmont Nurseries. Mark and Susanne grew 9 million tulips for the film which cost Universal Pictures $360,000 for the bulbs alone, but worked out cheaper than the special effects would have.
Typhoo tea goes into administration ☕ - I’d be astonished if it’s anyone’s first choice so with the best will in the world, they’re going to struggle. It’s been around for 120 years and will likely have its assets purchased by vape and e-cigarette company, Supreme.
BAE shares hit by threat of an efficient government 🏹 - weapons manufacturers have been doing incredibly well out of the US since World War One as the world’s policeman has to make sure they’ve got a big stick. The Trump Administration’s pledge to improve taxpayer’s return on investment has resulted in a $2 billion haircut for BAE’s market value.
New potential bidder for the Observer 🗞️ - Dale Vince is a green industrialist and a supporter of the Labour. Norfolk’s answer to Elon Musk if you will. He’s offered an alternative approach to the acquisition by Tortoise Media which would see the Observer held in Trust as it currently is. I guess this prompts the question: why bother?
Smithfield and Billingsgate to close in 2028 🥩 - the two markets have been part of London life for the best part of the millennium. The current site was opened in 1868 but the City of London Corporation is withdrawing its support, presumably so someone can turn it into flats. Whatever will the bummarees do now?
Japan’s pub king is pivoting to fast-food 🍔 - the big night out was a staple of Japanese business culture for decades but since the pandemic people are spending more time at home and ordering more food. This has led the CEO of Watami, a conglomerate, to pivot towards fast-food. What about selling some vegetables, Miki?
Gail’s looking for a buyer with a price tag of £500m 🥖 - everyone loves to hate this harbinger of gentrification but I think they’ve really moved the nation’s taste for proper bread forwards. They’ve done exceedingly well out of the post-pandemic boom in baked goods and Bain Capital who currently owns it is looking to sell up. The half a billion valuation looks pretty hefty, however, as this is roughly 16x the revenue they generated last year.
Investors are not happy with the performance of Topps Tiles 😠 - MS Galleon, a Swiss Shareholder has written to the chairman expressing his concerns that they’re overpaying for acquisitions and don’t seem to have completely cottoned on to online retail. Sales have dropped 9.1% in the past year.
Man wins £2 compensation for a smooth Mars bar 🍫 - now this is the type of litigation I like to see. For Harry Seager from Aylesbury, it was never really about the money, he just wanted to find out how this sort of thing might happen. Mars Wrigley, however, were very secretive and so moved to pay him off with the princely sum of £2. Fortunately other members of the Dull Men’s Club were able to posit that the bar had escaped a machine called an Enrober, that blows air on it.
Honey awards put to a stop after supply chain scandal 🐝 - The World Beekeeping Awards has withdrawn several prizes as it is impossible to tell whether honey has been adulterated with sugary syrup. The lengths that people will go to win a prize, really is unbeelievable. The practice is much more widespread in commercial honies so you’re better off staying close to the hive and going local.
Really Good Stuff
Advent is upon us and so for the weeks of December we’ll be featuring a few prezzie ideas each week.
Somewhere to live - Megève 7 Rooms 492 m²
Wouldn’t it just be delightful to hop in the PJ on Boxing Day to your lovely new gaff in the Alps to sit in your spa, use your wood-punk gym, drink some hot chocolate and even do some skiing?
Something to drive - 1961 Alfa Romeo Giulietta Spider
Recently featured in The Day of the Jackal, you’re going to get a 1960s driving experience but if something that looks pretty and roars would make a good stocking filler, fill your boots.
Something to drink - 2023 Moulin-à-Vent, Domaine de Forétal
Whilst more appropriate for warm weather, with Beaujolais Nouveau just last week, what better than 2023’s best Gamay to put in the cellar for the summer?
Quote of the week
“ITS CHRISTMASSSSSSSSSS” - Kid on that Slade song